Forging strong relationships for furthering growth
From a very young age, we are taught the importance of socialisation, learning to share, to communicate, to give and take. Taking turns and interacting with peers is a skill we have to learn and practise. As adults, and especially as leaders, this is no less important. So, this article will look at how we can develop those strong collaborative relationships to drive future growth.
Putting a people-centric approach first
As former COO of Meta and Founder of LeanIn.Org, Sheryl Sandberg, once said, “Leadership is about making others better as a result of your presence and making sure that impact lasts in your absence.”
Helping others to grow and develop themselves is quite often expedited by having an established level of openness and safety. The more someone feels fully supported, the more they feel secure in practising curiosity and courage in their own journey.
In everything I do, I believe creating safety and building trust are the foundations of strong relationships, and then we, as leaders, can layer plans and strategies on top for a solid structure to create true cultures of care and connection.
Through listening to one another and creating space where everyone’s voice is heard - and where all members of the team feel able and welcome to speak up - we as leaders can cultivate strong, trusting relationships in which diversity of thought and feeling are welcomed.
The impact of listening
Over the years of working, facilitating, coaching and observing Executive Teams and Leadership Teams, I’ve noticed people miss opportunities to truly include people, make them feel welcome and to have them know that their contribution is important.
Sometimes this is because, without realising it, teams have got into a way of people contributing only when speaking to an item on the agenda that they themselves know about, their area of expertise. Even without people speaking to field or subject matter expertise, there can be a pecking order: the most junior, or the newest person speaks last, whilst the most senior person takes the lead and speaks first. Then others follow in a similar pattern.
I recently had the privilege of hearing one of the Guest Speakers on the Marketing Leaders Programme (for which 2024 applications are now open) sharing how they make a point of checking in with people, and of always inviting the person who is newest or youngest to speak first. This is a key part of interrupting patterns, of being creatively disruptive, and of inviting diversity.
People who work with me will know that movement is key in all the work that I do, be that sitting somewhere differently and, or having a paired walk and talk conversation to facilitate building relationships, open conversation and our best thinking.
When working in person, I encourage people after a coffee, lunch or tea break to sit somewhere else, next to someone different, as part of changing the dynamic and of encouraging - through physically sitting somewhere different - movement and a different perspective.
On one occasion, I remember asking the person sitting to one side of me to introduce themselves first. They were visibly taken by surprise, saying they’d really not anticipated being invited to share first, instead expecting me to address the most senior person. They were pleased, as well as surprised - by inviting them to share first, I had also communicated to the whole team something about my way of working.
A gentle question to consider: where and how could you encourage greater inclusivity and diversity through inviting people to contribute and participate in different ways?
How can leaders ensure their colleagues feel well met?
Some years ago, I remember someone asking:
What if when you met someone, and they, you, you felt special, important in that moment of being greeted - rather than the handshake and the hello being a fleeting formality?
This got me thinking about what it means to feel well met by someone, and for me to feel well met.
Then, not long after, I met a friend who I hadn't seen for a long time. We were passing in the street, stopped and said Hello to each other for five minutes or so. Afterwards she messaged me to say thank you, she had felt well met by me. So, what in that moment had I done to have that impact on her, and, indeed, she on me?
Here are some of the things that I reflected on:
We looked each other in the eye.
We listened to each other.
We asked open questions of each other.
We smiled.
We acknowledged each other.
WE connected with each other - if only for those few minutes - and we parted company, both feeling better for the encounter.
I encourage you to consider the fleeting moments of interaction with your teams. Are they rushed and frantic, distracted by thoughts elsewhere? Is your tone abrupt or tense because of stress? Often, when we are consumed with other things, we have less energy for conversations, which is entirely understandable, but it can have a negative effect on how we make our teams - and ourselves - feel.
Consider how
by modifying your intonation,
by making a conscious effort to be present in the conversation,
by smiling,
relaxing your body language,
and making eye contact,
you could create a much stronger relationship in just a few seconds. Knowing we have made another person feel well-met, seen and heard, can also, by proxy, lift our own spirits and re-energise us for tasks ahead.
Self-awareness equals strength
Self awareness is key to leaders, and to leadership teams. Being a leader brings with it an extra commitment, I think, to develop our self awareness, so that we can be congruent and consistent with our values, beliefs and our purpose aligned to that of the business, organisation that we are leading.
Being a member of a leadership team is no different: we are leaders amongst leaders, and, together, we have a collective impact that reflects and communicates through our leadership behaviours the culture of the organisation.
Awareness is key in all of this; knowing ourselves, getting feedback that is open, honest, appreciative, and constructive to help us to amplify our strengths, and seeking support from others where we are less strong is crucial.
Awareness of not only our individual impact, but the team impact, matters.
Thoughts on leadership and relationships
I have two favourite quotations about relationships and leadership:
“You can be right or you can be in relationship.”
The first time I heard this was on an Imago Facilitator Practitioner training, all about being in relationships some years ago. I then heard a speaker use the same quote a few years ago on the Marketing Leaders Programme.
We’d invited them to speak about the power of relationship in leadership, and on engaging with others. To my understanding, as soon as we go into an 'I am right, you are wrong' mindset we are 'out of relationship'; we lose sight of the relationship.
When this happens, we stop listening, stop asking open questions and basically stop connecting with the other person. The conversation becomes one of ‘me proving I am right, and you are wrong’. Being in relationship, for me, is all about building the relationship even when the conversation may be a tough one to have. Indeed, sometimes it is specifically through having the more challenging, tough conversations that we build the relationship.
“Leadership happens inside of relationship.”
This is something I first heard from Steve Radcliffe, author of Leadership Plain and Simple, the book about the Future Engage Deliver approach to leadership development.
I really believe this: the bigger our relationships (by which I don't mean being best friends), the bigger the possibilities. The more creative we are together, the more we get done, and the more we deliver with - and through - each other.
This growth of collaboration and co-creating is crucial to any organisation, providing teams with meaning and purpose to drive success together.
In our Leaders in Conversation podcast episode together, Steve explains: “If you want to make that bigger difference, you have to have a support team. And there are two reasons. One is that you will fall off the bike at times and others can help you get back on the bike by listening to you, by creating a safe space, giving you that encouragement and that bit of acknowledgment.
“The second way that can be very powerful is at the heart of bringing other people with us to make a bigger difference in our impact on others. And this is something I've realised we cannot work out for ourselves.”
Listen to the full episode here.
To find out more about how I can help you develop strong relationships where people feel included, safe, and heard, get in touch.
